i had waited so much for this day.. inspite of all the adversities, i had been optimistic n rather hoping for a miraculous way out! but neither did the event get postponded nor my exams! i really don't see why everytime there is something u really really wish for, n its right there, but jus at the moment its in ur reach.. snap, its gone! anyway, i dun wanna crib! m supposed to be grown up enough to see things practially! blah.. neway.. so the wedding is happening minus me.. n all the 'oh, why din she come..' n 'i wish she cud..' dun provide enough consolation. i missed the engagement, the sangeet, the mehndi n will too the marriage! the pics were mailed the very next day of the engagement so that i would "not miss" so much! well, that thought did give me marginal relief.. but then the next moment when i saw all those pics n heard all of it from the numerous phone calls that have been coming in to keep me"updated".. i started feelin low all the more! and here's the worst part, u can't really speak ur heart out.. cos that wud make the others "feel bad"! sigh..
neway, today mamma n my bro also left for the wedding while i slog my ass out for my next paper tomm. as u can make out the obvious, i've been soooo dedicated! bshit!
i wish there was still some way i would wake up in the morning n get to know xams were cancelled.. but then there is no way i can reach delhi in a day except flights, tickets of course i wudn't get so early! so i guess the only solace i can find is in the saying "all that happens is for good!" and maybe its true too.. or so i hope! :(
back to books..
damn!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
punjabiyaan di shaan vakhri!
oof! DEV D is awesum!
i've seen it so many times now n each times i feel the emotions a little more than before! u know what, sumtims i jus feel so proud of being punjabi! :D yeah! there's power in being punjabi, if u know what i mean! the feel of it is... 'different'! the language.. the love.. the food too.. all of it is jus so from within! :) the whole PARO part of the movie in the beginning is like so personal.. not as in to me, but in every frame of the movie u find these elements n u know its been made very with a lot of personal feel to it! n punjabi language is sumthing completely out of the world! \m/ i know ppl who can speak the language, but punjabi minus the accent is jus another means of communication! like i say, its the feel that counts!
neway, the heat is unbearable these days.. as it is i dun feel like studying n with the heat all the more i have excuses! :P
though i have been encouraged by A to do sum study work, so i guess i shall!
right away, zzooooming back to books! :)
i've seen it so many times now n each times i feel the emotions a little more than before! u know what, sumtims i jus feel so proud of being punjabi! :D yeah! there's power in being punjabi, if u know what i mean! the feel of it is... 'different'! the language.. the love.. the food too.. all of it is jus so from within! :) the whole PARO part of the movie in the beginning is like so personal.. not as in to me, but in every frame of the movie u find these elements n u know its been made very with a lot of personal feel to it! n punjabi language is sumthing completely out of the world! \m/ i know ppl who can speak the language, but punjabi minus the accent is jus another means of communication! like i say, its the feel that counts!
neway, the heat is unbearable these days.. as it is i dun feel like studying n with the heat all the more i have excuses! :P
though i have been encouraged by A to do sum study work, so i guess i shall!
right away, zzooooming back to books! :)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
:D
i feel like i havent written in ages now & need to! 3rd yr exams can completely take a toll on u, more so if u have to go on with jus one n half hrs of sleep. seems like i was more than usual worried for the first paper & ended up slogging too much with too little of sleep! by the time i finished my paper.. i was dizzy, sweaty & very weak! i even called up a friend few hours before the exam n made him sing on the phone! poor guy obliged very nicely n sang me 'khabar nahi'! :)
sometimes cribbing is good! it makes u feel so much lighter from within! i think at times everyone should behave like a child! maybe get wet in the rain or play in the mud or maybe jus whine like a baby! not the housewifey cribbing, but the happy happy one! trust me, u feel so good! and the best part is, the people who actually are with you at such times patiently listening to u & laughing or pretending to seriously reciprocate ur feel..jus giving it back to u n being there with u.. u know that these people are ur true frnds!
i dunno how many of us actually use that term 'true frnz' anymore! S once told me "when u grow old & u can still count ur frnz on ur fingers, means u've lived a life worthwhile!" that time i was young i jus laughed out n said "oh, i have 8 good frnz to count" *sigh* n to say S n me dun even talk nemor! i dunno what happens with time, do thinks become really taken for granted? i guess i did take him a little too granted n maybe his way of approaching things wasn't exactly how they shud've been either. neway, such is life!
now, i'll need to get back to books. 3 more exams n i'm a 'graduate', legally! :D
sometimes cribbing is good! it makes u feel so much lighter from within! i think at times everyone should behave like a child! maybe get wet in the rain or play in the mud or maybe jus whine like a baby! not the housewifey cribbing, but the happy happy one! trust me, u feel so good! and the best part is, the people who actually are with you at such times patiently listening to u & laughing or pretending to seriously reciprocate ur feel..jus giving it back to u n being there with u.. u know that these people are ur true frnds!
i dunno how many of us actually use that term 'true frnz' anymore! S once told me "when u grow old & u can still count ur frnz on ur fingers, means u've lived a life worthwhile!" that time i was young i jus laughed out n said "oh, i have 8 good frnz to count" *sigh* n to say S n me dun even talk nemor! i dunno what happens with time, do thinks become really taken for granted? i guess i did take him a little too granted n maybe his way of approaching things wasn't exactly how they shud've been either. neway, such is life!
now, i'll need to get back to books. 3 more exams n i'm a 'graduate', legally! :D
Saturday, February 28, 2009
...
there are some people whom u can never forget.. or maybe forgive.. cos u loved them jus too much to be treated by them this way!
came here to vent out.. but i dun feel like writing nemore!
came here to vent out.. but i dun feel like writing nemore!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
blabh blah!
i feel all crappy inside! there's so much to be done n so much time on hand, but m totally wasting it all away! n there are days when i feel like doing something productive but i start having random migraine pains! i hate it.. ok not so much, but i hate it when they happen on wrong days! i wasted my entire day yesterday! nowadays, m carrying books to work so that i can do some reading there.. but by the time i'm home, i'm completely exhausted n then i feel all tired n sleepy! i dun know how to make things work! there is so much to be done n so much workload.. so much added stuff that shudn't have been this way! its not working, nothings working.. all the more, now that i finally want things to work they won't! crap, maybe there will be some light at the faaar end of the tunnel.. someone flash a torch plz! neway, back to life.. time for work!
i dunno, am i pale or things r really pale these days?
the only thing i look forward to are my guitar classes.. but then i feel have i earned it? its like i deserve to be confided to a room with no tv/pc/celfone n jus be asked to DO something/anything!
*sigh*
i need someone/something!
i dunno, am i pale or things r really pale these days?
the only thing i look forward to are my guitar classes.. but then i feel have i earned it? its like i deserve to be confided to a room with no tv/pc/celfone n jus be asked to DO something/anything!
*sigh*
i need someone/something!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
\m/
its crazy how i can think of a thousand things all at the same time..
and then sometimes i jus have these flashes of memories from some pre-historic era n i'm surprised how i can remember such unimportant stuff with such precise details!
so neway, i was reading a blog today n i cud totally relate to it. this girl writes bout her last day of school n how she din cry n how supposedly mean it is of her that she din feel bad leavin school. jus reminded me of my school days. i hated school. period.
i din hate my school life.. as in i din hate all of it. but there second part of my school life in kolkata, that i hated! i had reasons to! its jus that people tell u how wonderful school life is n how they miss it n wud like to go back.. i jus listen to them like 'yeah sure..' but deep down all i wanna do is SCREAM n tell them to fuckin shut up! good for u, u had a brilliant schooling.. i, on the other hand never particularly liked my school. i have memories.. bad, worse, nasty! and the good ones aren't able enough to off-set them! yeah i looked nice on my farewell day n to most girls that is one hell of an important day.. so, if that helps in showing off how nice my school life was, ***** to you!
abuses also remind me, we were at the terace.. me n J's frnz.. funny how i still refer to them as J's frnz.. as if they're still not my frnz n J has a prior claim on them of sum sorts! anyhow, to me she always will! so we're there n some guy comes up with the idea of playing chinese/japanese whisper.. like we're in class 2 goin home in school bus or sumthing. so till then its ok, but D comes up with a brilliant idea of using abuses as we play.! so what u gotta do is pass around a new word to the one on ur left, n then each one asks a q/s to the one on the right n u say the word that was told to u before. simple! only we had to pass around abuses.. and abuses they were! even worse, they were in bengali. i had never heard even one of them ever in my life n it also included bengali words of private parts! ughh.. i did not know even one word n jus ended up passing 'son of a b****' n 'b******'! these two were the most decent ones passed around. and the ones i received, god bless me! i could not make myself say 'g****' n was cursin J for passing it to me. n then very sheepishly i did say it out, my FIRST bengali slang! n yes, it did make out to be a BIG deal for me! :D
D was like, u took that much of effort to say jus that! hell yeah, i don't use abuses buddy! i can just bear to hear the 'b' words, dats all! so neway, these guys r nice.. as in not nicey-nice, but pretty normal people.. the ones who don't discuss lives of others for no reason! its strange how i tried my first puff with them too.. now its almost like jini n her frnz are part of my system! :P
so neway, back to the schooling part. whenever i see J n her frnz, i feel nice bout having a decent school life. i'd have one too if i was not forced to come to Kolkata from Delhi. i loved Delhi, i hated and loved the winter there, n mamma having to force me outa bed n forcibly brush my teeth n push the lil crying baby into the school bus. i loved Nidhi, Divya n Ayesha. n though the last time i went to Delhi n met them, they din remember a thing! :(
but that's ok, cos we were really young then. n yes, though i did feel a lil sad cos i thought of them so much when i was here at Kolkata, but then its me who needed them n our memories, not them!
Anyhow, post-Delhi, i grew to be all the more introvert n shy. sometimes J takes me to her school n describes all the mischief they did, n all the 'guy' fun, n the 'girl' talks n train joueney n what not! i like to hear all of it cos it makes me feel all nice n innocent n kiddish from within!
me n she have had a nice childhood choreographing songs n dancing to 'akela hai Mr. Khiladi..'! :P
to washing clothes we stained with colours from her mom's new bindi-maker set! :D
to having raw close-up toothpaste n then running to the bathroom cos it was toooo minty! i'm glad shez there n she knows she has me! we can jus be ourselves n let go when we're together! all the 'good J' n 'good me' disappear n we fantacise n talk our happy hours! :)
so J apparently has had a wonderful schooling n it got me so elated when i saw her school that we planned to send our kids to her school together! :D
Damn, i got lost again! neway, so i thot Kolkata was jus another visit n i wud be back to Delhi. i lived at my cousins place at IIM n i thot it Kolkata was wonderful. but then as soon as we stepped out n i had my interview at my school, life was such a burden! ever since i've almost hated this place too but now that i've grown up, i'm kind of ok being here cos this place hardly changes! its the lazy feel n the old-world charm of the city i like. it makes me feel safe. also maybe cos i dont want to try out a new city after gettin used to the secure feeling in here. Delhi is too huge to live in! yeah i sometimes wonder how i would be had i grown up in Delhi, but anyhow lifes like that!
i think i've drifted away too much today, dunno wats on my mind! bottomline is i never liked coming here leaving my school in delhi n so i never interacted with people cos i always thought we would go back. n by the time i realised i HAD to mix with people cos we're staying, i guess i grew up a lot n people jus took me to be a typical nice n quiet girl who could be bullied easily! *hmpf* neway, i have bad memories of school.. the suffocating classes, dirty corridors to smell bathrooms i never went to, bad teacher (with exceptions), really bad classmates.. n worst!
lets not get to all these anymore, cos its past now!
i'm still glad i'm a good girl n i have better things than discussing the poor lives of others.. u, infact my dear have a loser life to dicsus bout others! i'm also glad i have few but good frnz around me, who reciprocate my feelings! i'm glad i don't hurt people or say selfish words to them! i'm glad ive stopped bothering (more or less) and dun care of what Anyone thinks of me for that matter!
yeah, i like me!
Also, i like blogging here.. windows live spaces is too compliacted! n also too crowded! i like the anonymity here.. except for A ofcourse, who i have no problemo with! :D
specially after the tattoo prank, i'm jus too sure he will never end up fallin for me like typical guys.. especially cos our meet was very on-the-lines-of-a-love-story types! n he being a J's frnd again, he wudnt even dare to!! we both have very similar yet different lives, n better things to do as well! :P
n as J says, hez too short for me! :D he he.. m glad to have met u A!
see, now i mentioned u in my blog too! :)
phew, longest blog! \m/
and then sometimes i jus have these flashes of memories from some pre-historic era n i'm surprised how i can remember such unimportant stuff with such precise details!
so neway, i was reading a blog today n i cud totally relate to it. this girl writes bout her last day of school n how she din cry n how supposedly mean it is of her that she din feel bad leavin school. jus reminded me of my school days. i hated school. period.
i din hate my school life.. as in i din hate all of it. but there second part of my school life in kolkata, that i hated! i had reasons to! its jus that people tell u how wonderful school life is n how they miss it n wud like to go back.. i jus listen to them like 'yeah sure..' but deep down all i wanna do is SCREAM n tell them to fuckin shut up! good for u, u had a brilliant schooling.. i, on the other hand never particularly liked my school. i have memories.. bad, worse, nasty! and the good ones aren't able enough to off-set them! yeah i looked nice on my farewell day n to most girls that is one hell of an important day.. so, if that helps in showing off how nice my school life was, ***** to you!
abuses also remind me, we were at the terace.. me n J's frnz.. funny how i still refer to them as J's frnz.. as if they're still not my frnz n J has a prior claim on them of sum sorts! anyhow, to me she always will! so we're there n some guy comes up with the idea of playing chinese/japanese whisper.. like we're in class 2 goin home in school bus or sumthing. so till then its ok, but D comes up with a brilliant idea of using abuses as we play.! so what u gotta do is pass around a new word to the one on ur left, n then each one asks a q/s to the one on the right n u say the word that was told to u before. simple! only we had to pass around abuses.. and abuses they were! even worse, they were in bengali. i had never heard even one of them ever in my life n it also included bengali words of private parts! ughh.. i did not know even one word n jus ended up passing 'son of a b****' n 'b******'! these two were the most decent ones passed around. and the ones i received, god bless me! i could not make myself say 'g****' n was cursin J for passing it to me. n then very sheepishly i did say it out, my FIRST bengali slang! n yes, it did make out to be a BIG deal for me! :D
D was like, u took that much of effort to say jus that! hell yeah, i don't use abuses buddy! i can just bear to hear the 'b' words, dats all! so neway, these guys r nice.. as in not nicey-nice, but pretty normal people.. the ones who don't discuss lives of others for no reason! its strange how i tried my first puff with them too.. now its almost like jini n her frnz are part of my system! :P
so neway, back to the schooling part. whenever i see J n her frnz, i feel nice bout having a decent school life. i'd have one too if i was not forced to come to Kolkata from Delhi. i loved Delhi, i hated and loved the winter there, n mamma having to force me outa bed n forcibly brush my teeth n push the lil crying baby into the school bus. i loved Nidhi, Divya n Ayesha. n though the last time i went to Delhi n met them, they din remember a thing! :(
but that's ok, cos we were really young then. n yes, though i did feel a lil sad cos i thought of them so much when i was here at Kolkata, but then its me who needed them n our memories, not them!
Anyhow, post-Delhi, i grew to be all the more introvert n shy. sometimes J takes me to her school n describes all the mischief they did, n all the 'guy' fun, n the 'girl' talks n train joueney n what not! i like to hear all of it cos it makes me feel all nice n innocent n kiddish from within!
me n she have had a nice childhood choreographing songs n dancing to 'akela hai Mr. Khiladi..'! :P
to washing clothes we stained with colours from her mom's new bindi-maker set! :D
to having raw close-up toothpaste n then running to the bathroom cos it was toooo minty! i'm glad shez there n she knows she has me! we can jus be ourselves n let go when we're together! all the 'good J' n 'good me' disappear n we fantacise n talk our happy hours! :)
so J apparently has had a wonderful schooling n it got me so elated when i saw her school that we planned to send our kids to her school together! :D
Damn, i got lost again! neway, so i thot Kolkata was jus another visit n i wud be back to Delhi. i lived at my cousins place at IIM n i thot it Kolkata was wonderful. but then as soon as we stepped out n i had my interview at my school, life was such a burden! ever since i've almost hated this place too but now that i've grown up, i'm kind of ok being here cos this place hardly changes! its the lazy feel n the old-world charm of the city i like. it makes me feel safe. also maybe cos i dont want to try out a new city after gettin used to the secure feeling in here. Delhi is too huge to live in! yeah i sometimes wonder how i would be had i grown up in Delhi, but anyhow lifes like that!
i think i've drifted away too much today, dunno wats on my mind! bottomline is i never liked coming here leaving my school in delhi n so i never interacted with people cos i always thought we would go back. n by the time i realised i HAD to mix with people cos we're staying, i guess i grew up a lot n people jus took me to be a typical nice n quiet girl who could be bullied easily! *hmpf* neway, i have bad memories of school.. the suffocating classes, dirty corridors to smell bathrooms i never went to, bad teacher (with exceptions), really bad classmates.. n worst!
lets not get to all these anymore, cos its past now!
i'm still glad i'm a good girl n i have better things than discussing the poor lives of others.. u, infact my dear have a loser life to dicsus bout others! i'm also glad i have few but good frnz around me, who reciprocate my feelings! i'm glad i don't hurt people or say selfish words to them! i'm glad ive stopped bothering (more or less) and dun care of what Anyone thinks of me for that matter!
yeah, i like me!
Also, i like blogging here.. windows live spaces is too compliacted! n also too crowded! i like the anonymity here.. except for A ofcourse, who i have no problemo with! :D
specially after the tattoo prank, i'm jus too sure he will never end up fallin for me like typical guys.. especially cos our meet was very on-the-lines-of-a-love-story types! n he being a J's frnd again, he wudnt even dare to!! we both have very similar yet different lives, n better things to do as well! :P
n as J says, hez too short for me! :D he he.. m glad to have met u A!
see, now i mentioned u in my blog too! :)
phew, longest blog! \m/
Friday, January 9, 2009
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