damn! :|

today, as soon as i was bout to enter the exam hall, papa said "...and don't worry bout ur paper, we'll go to manali in june!" :)
that jus made me so so happy! i said "chandigarh too!", and he jus smiled at me!
i've been making all these glorious post-exam plans for long now.. and today probably when he saw i was a little worried bout the paper, he jus tried his bit to cheer me up! cheer me, he did! jus yesterday i was wondering how i would feel if my papers weren't too good and dad would still take me to my cousin's place in chandigarh.. it wud make me feel horribly guilty! and then today it jus happened that my paper actually wasn't good! it wouldn't hurt me so much, but the fact that everyone else kept writing when i was long done made me feel very uneasy! it was a full theory paper and some questions weren't common to the parts i had done well.. so i jus did whatever i knew really fast n then jus sat there watching others race against time! i kept revising the paper for ages until i finally decided i could take it no longer.. also, i had spent respectable time in the exam hall to make it appear that i knew enough n did enough, yet finished the paper early! hah! :D
well, that doesn't make me feel any less guilty now! i jus wanna give my last paper really really well.. i dunno, jus so tired these days cos of the heat! i feel sleepy n inattentive.. i really don't know how m gonna score.. more that that it bothers me others will do well, well, not all others jus some specific people!
damn damn damn, damn everything!
people njoyin at the marriage while i slog.. not that i care sooo much, but then i told this to dad that my results better be extremely good to off-set my loss of not attending the wedding!
its a bleak vision, a fading dream......