You..

I just want you to know, that if tomorrow i shall not be with you anymore.. i would've gone with your memories in my heart, with happy moments of laughter and smile and tears that i'll forever carry with my soul. i just want you to know, that you are a major part of my life. A part that has held me when i've stumbled, comforted me when i was in pain, believed in me when i was in doubt, hugged me when i was scared, comforted me when i was sad. YOU have given me smiles, tears, happiness, youth, beauty, bliss, love and serenity! I have spent the little life that i had memorably, and there are no regrets. There are no complains, there are no grudges or sadness.. there's just a smile, on my lips, on your lips, on our lips. You've given me air to breathe and the feeling that i took along with in inside, has made me real, made me lively, made me s.m.i.l.e :)

I will always be with you, always looking upon. And life will carry on, till the day we finally meet.. i will wait till then, and so shall you.. you shall come, only when it is time to unite. And then, it will finally be Forever! I love you :)

fade to black

what do u say, when someone makes you cry and then says ur unhappy with them..
what do u do, when ur smile now seems to him as 'fake'..
where do you go, when someone asks you to leave when every moment you wanted to hold on..

life, just lost a little meaning.. faith, just got a bit shattered.. innocence, just got a little faded..
this doesn't seem the way to happiness, i'm sure..

..

..I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry..

~ Keith Urban

i dont know why i don't blog anymore.. blogging used to make me feel good.. jus the fact that you could throw out ur thoughts n feelings into the virtual void n it stays there forever, away from prying eyes..
but these days, i've been back to square one, to my diary..
its the one J n me gifted each other as a bday gift, an identical diary.. and now its serving the purpose it was intended to when bought.. though its a lot less private and accesible by anyone, but i have guards to keep it safe..
i've had 2 other diaries before, each one special in its own ways.. and the good part bout them is that i can go back into my old forgotten memories anytime i want.. with photographs n letters! :)
they're my very own thoughts now penned down forever, so even when i grow old all i need to do is visit these brown crumbled pages n re-live the days of fun, love and tears!
but now the reason for writing again is different.. i mostly feel like writing late at night when my thoughts are at their extereme emotional best.. and usually its too late to switch on the computer and type something.. also, now there are things i don't want some people to know.. basically cos i haven't figured myself out yet!
i've been tracing my life so far, from the lil girl to the teenager.. and now as there are jus 3 months before i cross the line b/w a teenager and grown up, life i really feel has come a full circle..
life is probably at its best now, yet some ends are loose.. and well, not that i expect it to be perfect, its jus that i still need some answers..
J says he intution is at her best, and she feels something really good is coming my way.. well, lets just say Cheers to that!
i must write more now, one blog each day.. jus random stuff bout my day!

goodnight blog! :)

Its that familiar time of the year again.. pujas and the following winter!
When evenings arrive sooner and calmer than summer afternoons.. when the little insects start to appear beside tubelights again.. when the air is filled with a pleasant smell of pujo happiness and mysticism!
Its a familiar nostalgia again.. when the apparent glittery evenings wud eventually fade into cold winter evenings. When past memories would all the more accompany you as you talk a walk down the same roads yet again..

Yesterday it all happened again.. and the pain was as fresh as ever!
Right in front of my eyes, the very sight i wanna forget and even forgive jus so that it wud let me go..
As usual, my headache has been back with renewed force.. and the more i try not to think, the more it effects me..
Unless i figure a way to not let myself get influenced by some people everytime, this pain won't stop.. there has to be some way i can turn to stone..

When the thorn bush turns white that's when I'll come home

I am going out to see what I can sow

And I don't know where I'll go

And I don't know what I'll see

But I'll try not to bring it back home with me



Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me

As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be

Cause all I want is here and now but it's already been and gone

Our intentions always last that bit too long



Far far away, no voices sounding, no one around me and

You're still there

Far far away, no choices passing, no time confounds me and you're still there



In the full moons light I listen to the stream

And in between the silence hear you calling me

But I don't know where I am and I don't trust who I've been

And If I come home how will I ever leave

<3

Love is not something u can read about in novels and claim to know 'exactly how it feels..'
Love is not something u hear about from other's experiences n decide upon..
Love is not something u see between two people n feel magical about..

These are, i believe, just sources to the ultimate destination.. but they make complete sense only when you can look into the eyes of someone and feel that you are ready to accept him inspite of all his faults.. its only when u can be next to him and see urself in his future.. when habits don't matter and just 'the' moment, right there, is the only thing u can hold on to..

its how they say.. " when you love someone, you just say it, you just say it right there.. out loud.. otherwise, the moment just passes you by"

and yet, we spent countless moments staring into his eyes, all the time thinking if we would make it together.. waiting for signs from the universe.. reading sunsigns and hoping for them to decide our destiny.. weighing every move made, every word uttered.. until the sand slips away from our hand..

and yet, all this will hit you with its full force only when u r ready to admit, be brave n proclaim that come what may, ur ready.. throw caution to the wind and declare that ur in love.. n not think if he loves you, or if ur meant to be together.. just let the elements do their work.. and the rest will find its place on it own..

i'm ready for my test, i can't wait to meet him now.. 20 years is a long time!